Life is hard right now and I need to vent. If you aren’t in the mood for a long mommy vent stop reading now! It isn’t the “having 3 kids” part that is making me loose it currently. Kendall is an angel baby. Most of the time she sleeps through the night (well, until 5 anyway). She is a happy bundle of joy and as easy as a newborn can be and for that I am thankful. It’s the other ones…
I don’t like Luke right now. There, I said it. I love him of course and would do anything for him, but I don’t particularly like him. About a month before Kendall was born we moved him out of the crib and the nursery into a big boy bed in Carson’s room. He used to be a super star sleeper. Went to bed easy, never climbed out of his crib, slept all night. That all changed 4 months ago. Since then he has been waking up through the night and waking up ridiculously early. The middle of the night stuff is hard but do-able. It’s been the 4:30 am-5:30 am wake up call that is the killer. He is a VERY strong-willed child and has been making us pay for what we did to him. (He WAS NOT happy about losing his crib.) I wish I could do it over. I wish I never moved him out, but it is too late for that. We even bought a new crib for him recently and moved it into Carson’s room and it hasn’t really helped.
We have honestly tried EVERYTHING with him and even locked him in for a few weeks. When we did that technique with Carson he broke in 2 days. Luke never broke. He screamed for the full 2 weeks we tried it. Carson has been sleeping on our floor for the past month plus so Luke doesn’t wake him up. It has gotten a little better lately. He is sleeping though the night now for the most part. We put a “special Cars light” in his room and he isn’t allowed to leave his room until it goes off. (We are up to 5:46 now.) Sometimes he stays in, sometimes not. He still wakes up way earlier than that though. It’s not just the waking up early, the worst part is the grumpy, chronically sleep deprived monster we’ve created. He is 3 now and in that horrible nap transition phase. What he is in the habit of doing is reducing 2 hours of night time sleep and wanting to replace it with a 2 hour nap during the day around 9am. Right now I am trying to not let him sleep longer than 20 min, which is very hard. It makes him even more unbearable. I’m hoping if I do it for long enough he’ll start sleeping longer at night. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know. Chances are I’ve tried it, but I’m open to any suggestions.
The issue with Carson right now is one we’ve dealt with before. A year ago he pooped his pants every day for months and months. Once again we tried everything we could think of and finally took him to the doctor. Turns out he had chronic constipation. We did a full clean-out (super yuck) followed by 4 months of Miralax. We’ll it’s back. It’s been 2 weeks of poop in the underwear, multiple times a day. I am SO SICK of cleaning up poopy underwear. He came home from school today with poop running down his legs and while I am trying to clean that up Luke is SCREAMING about something (sleep deprived remember,) and I just burst into tears. I’m at my breaking point and I am loosing it. I hate being that kind of Mom who completely looses it. I hate feeling that way and it makes me sad. Right now they are watching TV and eating candy. I’ve locked myself into the downstairs room. Whatever it takes to get through the day sometimes, right?
I’m also so sick of those moms who constantly post/say how wonderful motherhood is and how happy they are ALL THE TIME. Their homes and clean and organized, they look so put together, they do don’t let their kids eat candy or watch T.V. seriously?! Are you really that happy all the time? If so, there must be sometime wrong with me.
There are plenty more things I can vent about, such as; speech delays and not understanding what my boys say, fine motor delays, the battle to lose the baby weight, a house that we are fastly outgrowing, I’m exhausted, I only get to the gym once a week . The list can go on and on and you might think I am being ridiculous and a big baby, but after saying all of that I do know that I am richly blessed. I have 3 healthy, beautiful kids, a wonderful husband with a great job, the opportunity to be a stay at home mom, the gospel of Jesus Christ, wonderful family and friends—That list can go on and on too.
Sorry to be a whiner. I just needed to get some of this out. Being a Mom is not fun sometimes. There are days I wake up and the countdown to bedtime starts right away. I guess all I need is for someone to acknowledge that motherhood sucks sometimes and that it is okay to feel that way. Now onto folding 4 loads of laundry…