Life is hard right now and I need to vent. If you aren’t in
the mood for a long mommy vent stop reading now! It isn’t the “having 3 kids” part that is
making me loose it currently. Kendall is an angel baby. Most of the time she
sleeps through the night (well, until 5 anyway). She is a happy bundle of joy
and as easy as a newborn can be and for that I am thankful. It’s the other
ones…
I don’t like Luke right now. There, I said it. I love him of
course and would do anything for him, but I don’t particularly like him. About
a month before Kendall was born we moved him out of the crib and the nursery
into a big boy bed in Carson’s room. He used to be a super star sleeper. Went
to bed easy, never climbed out of his crib, slept all night. That all changed 4
months ago. Since then he has been waking up through the night and waking up ridiculously
early. The middle of the night stuff is hard but do-able. It’s been the 4:30
am-5:30 am wake up call that is the killer. He is a VERY strong-willed child
and has been making us pay for what we did to him. (He WAS NOT happy about losing
his crib.) I wish I could do it over. I wish I never moved him out, but it is
too late for that. We even bought a new crib for him recently and moved it into
Carson’s room and it hasn’t really helped.
We have honestly tried EVERYTHING
with him and even locked him in for a few weeks. When we did that technique
with Carson he broke in 2 days. Luke never broke. He screamed for the full 2
weeks we tried it. Carson has been sleeping on our floor for the past month
plus so Luke doesn’t wake him up. It has gotten a little better lately. He is
sleeping though the night now for the most part. We put a “special Cars light”
in his room and he isn’t allowed to leave his room until it goes off. (We are
up to 5:46 now.) Sometimes he stays in, sometimes not. He still wakes up way
earlier than that though. It’s not just the waking up early, the worst part is
the grumpy, chronically sleep deprived monster we’ve created. He is 3 now and
in that horrible nap transition phase. What he is in the habit of doing is
reducing 2 hours of night time sleep and wanting to replace it with a 2 hour
nap during the day around 9am. Right now I am trying to not let him sleep
longer than 20 min, which is very hard. It makes him even more unbearable. I’m
hoping if I do it for long enough he’ll start sleeping longer at night. If
anyone has any suggestions please let me know. Chances are I’ve tried it, but I’m
open to any suggestions.
The issue with Carson right now is one we’ve dealt with
before. A year ago he pooped his pants
every day for months and months. Once again we tried everything we could think
of and finally took him to the doctor. Turns out he had chronic constipation. We
did a full clean-out (super yuck) followed by 4 months of Miralax. We’ll it’s
back. It’s been 2 weeks of poop in the underwear, multiple times a day. I am SO
SICK of cleaning up poopy underwear. He came home from school today with poop
running down his legs and while I am trying to clean that up Luke is SCREAMING
about something (sleep deprived remember,) and I just burst into tears. I’m at
my breaking point and I am loosing it. I hate being that kind of Mom who completely
looses it. I hate feeling that way and it makes me sad. Right now they are watching
TV and eating candy. I’ve locked myself into the downstairs room. Whatever it
takes to get through the day sometimes, right?
I’m also so sick of those moms who constantly post/say how
wonderful motherhood is and how happy they are ALL THE TIME. Their homes and
clean and organized, they look so put together, they do don’t let their kids
eat candy or watch T.V. seriously?! Are you really that happy all the time? If
so, there must be sometime wrong with me.
There are plenty more things I can vent about, such as;
speech delays and not understanding what my boys say, fine motor delays, the battle
to lose the baby weight, a house that we are fastly outgrowing, I’m exhausted,
I only get to the gym once a week . The list can go on and on and you might
think I am being ridiculous and a big baby, but after saying all of that I do
know that I am richly blessed. I have 3 healthy, beautiful kids, a wonderful
husband with a great job, the opportunity to be a stay at home mom, the gospel of
Jesus Christ, wonderful family and friends—That list can go on and on too.
Sorry to be a whiner. I just needed to get some of this out.
Being a Mom is not fun sometimes. There are days I wake up and the countdown to
bedtime starts right away. I guess all I
need is for someone to acknowledge that motherhood sucks sometimes and that it
is okay to feel that way. Now onto
folding 4 loads of laundry…
7 comments:
You are not alone! Although I do not have the same exact things happening here, I do have one who pushes me to the limit every..single..day! Macey is a kid who will do whatever she wants, when she wants to do it. She does not care about anyone or anything. I seriously just this last weekend went to the library and checked out "The Difficult Child" by Stanley Turecki. In the front of the book there is a little questionnaire to determine if you have child that is difficult. They said that a very difficult child is 15+ points. I scored a 21 for Macey! We have had her tested for everything under the sun at the Dr's and at school. Nothing too much shows up, at least not enough for them to see a problem and help her. It's so tough having a child or children that are difficult. I hear you and totally feel you! I remember a long time ago Kristen Simpkins once said to me(and I was having an exceptionally horrible mommy day)"don't worry about it Sabra! Time goes by so fast and one day they will be all grown up". I don't know why that struck me the way it did, but I was so upset! I didn't care at the time about the future and my kids growing up! That day, just sucked and I just needed someone to say,"yea, that sucks"! So here I am telling you that it is totally normal to feel the way you are feeling! Sometimes motherhood is no fun and hard. Just do your best, say a prayer and it will all end up ok. I will say a little prayer for you too!
Oh, Leah, I'm so sorry! Being a mom is absoLUtely NOT fun all of the time. Even most of the time! Yes, there are the glimmers of wonder, but let's face it, it's mostly the yuk or mundane. I kind of think people blog those perfect times to remind themselves of them later?! Your post brought back too-many nights in my rocking chair with a nursing/screaming baby and one or two others who shouldn't have been out of their beds. They DO grow out of it, really. Eventually. When you're sleep-deprived and hormonal, everything is so much harder to cope with, too. And constantly cleaning stinky bums, yeah, wish we were done with that one. I found some gummy probiotics that sometimes help him. Every time I think I know what I'm doing, something happens to remind me I've got no clue--sometimes I think I just keep learning more ways things don't work!! I wish we were closer, to give you a break, though, but know you'll make it through! 'It came to pass' not 'it came to stay...' and our RS theme for the year D&C 64:33 made me cry. Remember that you ARE doing great things with your family, teaching them what's really important. Hang in there!!
I know I don't really know you very well, but I wanted to offer a few words of advice. First, I've always thought that the most wonderful things in life are always the hardest - the reason being a mom is so rewarding is because it is so hard (and it just plain sucks) lots of the time. It is. It's ok to feel that way. My oldest was self-constipating, it was bad. I thought she would cause permanent damage because she just wouldn't go. Then she'd pee her pants she was trying so hard to not poop. It took her until she was around 6-7 or so to grow out of it. That probably isn't what you want to hear, but it may take Carson a little more time. Things we tried were putting a stool under her feet when she did sit on the potty (it helps with pooping)and putting her on a poop schedule. You may need to use a little Miralax to get that started. Twice a day she was required to sit and atleast try to go. It helped. As for the naps, I've done reading about the REM cycle and it's my understanding that it takes 40 minutes to go through the cycle - so I think limiting Luke's sleep is a good idea, but I wonder if he is getting woke up in the middle of his sleep cycle and that is why he wakes up super grouchy (well, in addition to him being 3 and sleep deprived). Maybe do some research on optimal nap times. Perhaps 30 or 40 minutes (which seems long) would help him wake up happier. Hang in there. It's hard, I know, but you can do hard things!
You know I totally get all of this. It was nice talking the other day about just losing it, as EVERYONE does, even if they only facebook and instagram all the best moments. When neither of us has a nurser, I think an awesome sister trip is due. No kids to worry about or take care of. Take pressure off yourself and just do what you have to do to gain a little peace everyday. Love you, hang in there
Leah I agree you are not alone!! I remember the days when I had three little ones home all day and sometimes I felt like this mommy thing wasn't for me. Before I had kids I thought of myself as a very positive person who could get along easily with people, and then I had kids and I wondered where that person had gone. When people would stop me at the store and say, "Cherish your little ones, these are the best days of your life!!" I wanted to tell them that I think they had forgotten just how difficult "these days" are!! Hang in there, some days are good and some days are horrible! That's just the way it is. And there is nothing wrong with TV and candy!!
sorry that last one was from me!
sorry that last one was from me!
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